A first date on a Friday in July.
Bundt.
…But the guy saying, “I own a few bars on Main Street and I have to close, so I have a hard-out.”
Bundt for being a communicative business owner.
Possible Burnt for using “hard-out.”
Coercion into watching soft pornography by way of sitting at a nail salon playing Bridgerton, season one, episodes five and six.
Burnt. There’s enough tension at nail salons as is—the mind-bending task of picking a color, debating whether to tell the girl you hate the color you chose, hastily calculating a tip at checkout. I don’t need 55 inches of Simon Basset’s bare ass and Phoebe Dynevor’s O-face added into the mix.
…Meanwhile, The Studio on Apple TV starring Seth Rogan and everyone else in Hollywood.
Bundt. Best show I’ve seen all year.
……Seth Rogan.
BUNDT.
This How I Get It Done featuring 30-year-old tech entrepreneur and ScaleAI co-founder, Lucy Guo.
Burnt. I enjoy this column, but this installment is dismal. We learn that Lucy: does three to four Barry’s Bootcamp classes PER DAY because, it’s like, her only hit of serotonin; doesn’t eat breakfast; has no free time; is sad because she doesn’t see her friends often; hasn’t taken a day off in her entire life (“Even at Barry’s, I’m still on my phone working”); drinks Celsius energy drinks and eats Spam; »might« go to the beach on Saturdays; has an assistant who feeds her cats and folds her clothes; and finally, despite being a literal billionaire $$, doesn’t feel like she’s made it yet. LUCY GIRL! You’ve daughter-of-Chinese-immigrants-it too hard.
My husband suggesting we celebrate the one year anniversary of our engagement. (Coincidentally, the anniversary of Trump’s attempted assassination, July 13th.)
Bundt. What a guy. (My husband, not Trump.)
Mixing two heaping spoonfuls of cottage cheese with half an avocado and smearing it on toast.
Bundt. And would you believe me if I said the combination came to me in a divine stroke of inspiration and I didn’t see it in online first? Try it with salt, pepper, onion power, and chili flakes.
Amazon Prime Days
Burnt. Though I am excited for my wet vacuum.
Using a napkin, or other barrier, to hold public tabletop condiments so as to not touch filthy surfaces before handling porous food.
Bundt.
LinkedIn.
Burnt, and also burning.
Anyone, ANYONE looking at my computer screen, especially when I’m writing or have a draft up.
Burnt to a crisp. DO NOT LOOK AT MY WORK.
the fld.
BUNDT.